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July 31 More than just water  More Than Just Water!!
 No one, other than another trans-person, can ever understand the pain we go through. No one can understand the lengths we will and have gone through to simply ‘fit in’.” Not to be too pessimistic but I am not sure that no matter how much society moves towards the acceptance of trans people there won't be someone looking to get step up by pushing trans people down. In my own situation I am feeling that, around people at work who have known me for quite a while, my gradual 'femming' has been noticed and I feel a consequent admonishment or questioning of my status despite my performance being equal to or greater than theirs. Maybe I am being over-sensitive ... No one, other than another trans-person, can ever understand the pain we go through. No one can understand the lengths we will and have gone through to simply ‘fit in’." Can non-trans folks precisely understand the struggles of trans folks? No. Can non-parents precisely understand the struggles of parents? No. Can women precisely understand the struggles of men, and vice versa? No. But let's be honest with ourselves ... you don't need to understand the pain to recognize the pain and to be able to help. Just about everyone goes to extraordinary lengths to fit in. I'm not saying being trans is any easier than being non-white, or being LGB, or being a jock, or being a nerd, or being poor, or being all of those things. But I wouldn't agree that it's any harder, either. When it comes right down to it, those of us who are Transgendered are just people with problems and struggles (and egos that keep us from going to the doctor in a timely manner).
A question I'd like to ask to those who do read my blogs's...
IS A WOMAN A WOMAN BECAUSE SHE DEFINES HERSELF AS A WOMAN, OR BECAUSE SHE WAS BORN AND RAISED AS A WOMAN? Like to hear and read about your experiences and feelings on your definition on how you have defined yourself....
I'm seeking and searching for other Transgendered individuals who like myself seek honest friendships and want to be with someone who can be trusted and relied on.. That would enjoy being with someone who would really care about you as a person.. I do value and appreciate those who have the same principles, and is seeking someone like myself wanting more pleasure and excitement {I don't mean simply sex} out of life.. Someone who is hung up by society's attitudes and opinions on issues they don't understand... I have many other interest's besides just transitioning... If you like what you've seen on my blog site and how I've expressed my feelings and thoughts and your a LARGE SIZED WOMAN who is seeking a TRANSGENDERED INDIVIDUAL like myself who isn't into mis-using or abusing your feelings and would like such a friendship where we both can begin exploring our care-free future together.. This doesn't have to be "live-in", even though I would like for us to meet frequently, enjoying a friendship/relationship of each other for the special people we are.. If you are ready for this, I Am too, so why are you waiting!!!!!! Being in touch with our "feminine side" we both can enjoy everything associated with being female...enhancing our emotional feelings about feeling good about ourselves...
I consider myself a "Social Butterfly" a great description for myself.. I believe that friendships are one of the most important things in life, I now spend alot of time with my many new friends enjoying good times and many laughs... Having a family that has not fully accepted nor can understand why I would want to give up living a life they knew me as... Today I tend to see my close friends as being family and enjoy nothing more than to spend time with them doing everything or doing nothing.. When I'm not out and about being the social queen I can normally be found at home taking it easy, enjoying my dogs and just getting everyday things done.. In times of quiet, I'm more than likely listening to music and thinking of things that are on my mind.. Quiet time at home is important for the balance in the body.
For many years I struggled through out my life trying to deny, purge, rid myself of feeling feminine and it has taken me years to figure out that the only person I was trying to run and hide from was myself, but not before going through many different life experiences, from the highs of working and dealing with the public in a career that dealt with the Criminal element to working with those who were addicted to drugs/prostitution and were homeless.. Realizing that there were people out there who have had harder times than I ever experienced in my life.. Sure I have had it hard, but I can sit back and look at some of the people on the street that for what ever reasons they just couldn't overcome their addictions that caused them to be homeless/addicted to drugs/alcohol/have low self esteem of theme selves... I was able to raise two children to become successful as they grew and became adults... I retired from a 30 year career in Civil Service... Had many ups and downs but always picked myself up and continued forward... Had a failed marriage that ended horribly and nearly destroyed my life.. Again picking myself up and continued going forward.. Although I'm in Loveless marriage, its not as horrible as it sounds.. Over the years both of us have learned to lived with-one another to where today we actually have become better friends and treat one another as such today.. We both realize that eventually I will be totally living as a WOMAN... Will it cause us to divorce... "Can't Answer that" YES and NO
Only time will tell............
Just sitting here and typing thoughts and feelings....
There must be a Woman out there who would like to develop a friendship and join me on outings and fun trips... Or Am I just a dreamer.......
Trisha July 21 FOUR DAYS OF BEING TRISHA
July 20 The Full Time Life of Being FeminaJuly 20th 2007 THE FULL TIME LIFE OF BEING FEMINA
I have changed considerably over the last l8 months, physically and emotionally.. My body has taken on a 38AA to an A cup, depending on which brand bra I purchase.. My waist has shrunk from a size 40 to a 35, my hips are still a 36... Where the waist surplus has gone I dont' know.. Many of my features have softened, however it hasn't been enough to stop the occassional reading and subsequent abuse when I'm out and about in public as Trisha... The biggest change in this part of my life though has been the emotional change... I cry all too easy.. I feel losses of loved one's far more keenly.. Sometimes I hate when my emotions change at the drop of a hat and at those times I wonder what hell has happened... I attribute my emotional enlightenment with my useage of "Hormones".. I see things in such a wider context now and with a duality of mind... My life as Trisha has its ups and few downs now and again, however spite those downs which seem amplified by Hormones.. I've been on a roller coaster ride during the last l8 months.. I will be still learning for the rest of my life.. Nature for what ever reason decided that I was going to be special, I think all of us in this world probably have thought that of ourselves, that we are all unique in one way or another... Learning over the years that I Am a unique indvidual.. Over the last 51 years I have cried over what I Am and raged against the unfairness.. Hiding my true identity of what I Am and Who I Am about.. No matter how hard I tried to purge, rid myself of this fem/persona, my femina would push forward and would not be denied... I wish this situation on no other men or woman... It's been very hard and a difficult journey for me to fully accept that I Am more than just a Crossdresser/Transvestite.. Taken me years and years of living in shame, fear, feeling guilty,being angry,living unhappily,sadden by the fact I possessed a feminine persona... Girls the highway we travel through our lives is never ending, constantly changing kaleidoscope of textures, sounds,smells and movement... The Journey I've taken has AFFECTED everything I've done in my life.. Over the years some changes that I made and I thought were slight caused huges changes to occurr over time with my life that have taken me into other worlds and deminsions I never dreamt that I would one day inhabit.. Yes there was a time I believed I was a Crossdress/Transvestite.. A harmless activity that I kept under wraps and still being male with no major gender crisis.. I dressed and behaved as a male where I was able to control these feminine feelings... Eventually occassionally dressing no longer filled my emotional needs and I found myself dressing more and more frequently for longer periods of time.. NO LONGER A SEXUAL NEED in fact as I realised it was no longer sexual, the shame that previously accompanied my dressing sessions evaporated and I felt much calmer, happier and more at peace with my surroundings and myself... I needed more, I needed the shape and I needed the looks as much as possible... I was still unware that I had taken irrevocable steps that led me to the crossroads and that my path was taking another direction in my life... One that was far different from the one I previously been following.. As I became more and more aware of these changes occurring in my life and the direction I was now taking... I searched and surfed the net extensively for knowledge that would help me... The knowledge I gained from reading everything I could get my hands upon, find on the net, eventually helped me to begin accepting that I was more than a Crossdresser/Transvestite... By mid 90's and upwards till the end of the 90's.. Trisha emerged.. No longer in the closet but becoming more and more active and open about who I Am, What I wanted in my life, Where I was heading, of course during this time frame I also realized there is going to be a very high price to pay as I spent more and more of my time as Trisha.. One important element that I failed to realize was the possible loss of love from immediate family members.. But the price does not end there Girls, the hormone crashes and joys, the loss of employment, the abuse and mockery from the ignorant and many more downsides are all part of this process... And as I continue to go forward I can honestly say this I have become happier than I have ever been in my life... So being a Non-Op Transexual the only reason my life is happier? "NO" not on its own.. There have been so many good things that have occurred in my life... My hope is that before I die I will be able to find a WOMAN OF SIZE that would want more than just a friendship.. A "WOMAN" that would hold a warm spot in her heart for me where both of us shower one another in kindness, acceptance and love... Am I asking too much for this to become a reality in my life.... "Probably so" however I do feel dreams can come true... If one truely believes...
Like to hear your responses and comments.. Sometimes I feel those of you out there are just too closeted to help one another emerge...
 Trisha Marie Roberts |
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